“They shall be one flesh.”
Within the intimacy of their marriage and in the privacy of their bedroom, man and woman gradually learn the meaning of the Genesis pronouncement: “They shall be one flesh.”
Please note that this is a learning process, with husband and wife progressively discovering how to provide pleasure for each other. They begin with some explicit information (the more the better); then with growing delight, they find out by experience and application of information just how to make love and impart maximum joy to their mate.
Several hindrances have blocked this learning process in the past. First of all, young couples were brainwashed by the romantic novels and movies that suggested that “it all comes naturally.” Then many people have been defensive about their knowledge and skills as lovers, feeling that they must pretend to know it all or else admit to personal deficiencies.
Today more and more couples are seeking Christian counsel in the area of the sex relationship, because they do not want to depend on the trial-and-error process, which may or may not lead to satisfaction. They are beginning to understand that the Lord has designed blessing and pleasure for them and they do not want to miss out.
The first reason for marriage, according to Scripture, is companionship: “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). God designed marriage to keep people from being alone. If in any area—spiritual, psychological, or physical—the man and wife are not one with each other, then they are alone in that part of their life. Some Christian couples may be beautifully related in one mind and one spirit; they may have a good marriage in many ways, but their marriage remains incomplete and unfulfilled if they do not know how to please each other in the intimacy of their physical relationship.
Detailed how-to books on sex are readily available these days so that a great deal of information is at hand. Unfortunately these publications are sometimes medically erroneous and often crude and distasteful in presentation. Worst of all, they miss the mark for the Christian reader, who realizes that much more than a selfish seeking of physical sensation is involved. The discerning lover approaches the experience, knowing that the keenest pleasure comes from the exquisite joy of pleasing the beloved.
The act of love is experienced as a single ecstatic episode by the two involved, but medically it can be analyzed and divided into four phases, which reflect the physical changes that occur. Before we discuss them, let us consider the physical environment most conducive to a meaningful relationship. Most important is your need for privacy. In considering buying or building a home, you should pay close attention to having your bedroom and bath as isolated as possible from other rooms. Every master bedroom needs a good lock, controlled from the inside, of course. Every child should be trained not to disturb his mother and daddy when their bedroom door is locked. If a couple is to concentrate totally on each other (which is necessary for maximum enjoyment), they must be assured of protection from intrusion. Under no circumstances should you allow a child to sleep in the room with you, except perhaps a new baby for the first six months or less.
The question of lighting in the bedroom should also be considered. Some wives are better able to abandon themselves to maximum expression of enjoyment by having sexual intercourse in a room with very little or no light. However, the husband is greatly stimulated by seeing his wife’s body and watching her responsive movements and expressions of delight. For this reason, you may wish to vary your settings between darkness and very soft light, even candlelight. Remember that the mystery of the body enhances the lovemaking experience.
Posted in One Flesh
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.