The hymen has no physiologic function and never grows back after it has been dilated.
Hymen. The hymen, which has been given the name of the mythical god of marriage, is a shelflike membrane that surrounds but does not cover the lower opening to the vagina. The hymen has no physiologic function and never grows back after it has been dilated. In some females, the hymen is extremely tough and resistant. There are baby girls who are born without a hymen, so its absence is not necessarily an indication of loss of virginity.
The opening in the hymen of a virgin is usually about one inch in diameter (large enough for tampon use). However, for comfortable intercourse, a diameter of about one and one-half inches is needed. Thus, statistically, at the time of their first intercourse,
50 percent of brides experience some pain, but not enough to complain about; 20 percent say they have no pain at all; and 30 percent experience rather severe pain.
About six weeks before marriage, every woman should have a pelvic examination. A thoughtful, interested physician can give her specific instructions that will help remove much of her fear of physical pain due to intercourse.
If the pelvic examination reveals a thick or tight hymen, the prospective bride may wish to have this tissue stretched, so there will be less difficulty and discomfort during the first intercourse. The physician can do this; or she may use her own fingers to stretch the hymen, according to the physician’s instructions; or she may ask for exact instructions and a demonstration of how her husband can carefully stretch the hymen on their wedding night before intercourse .
This procedure can be done by the physician or by the bridegroom to avoid discomfort during the first intercourse. Observe that finger pressure should be downward and toward the back.
I believe it is best for the prospective bride to devote a few moments each day for two to four weeks before the wedding in stretching the vaginal opening, so that her initial sexual experience with her husband will be as pleasant and painless as possible.
Here are the directions I give for the vaginal stretching. The woman should slowly insert one finger, well lubricated with artificial lubricant, all the way to the base of the finger, then gentiy, very slowly, yet forcibly, press downward and backward against this most resistant part of the hymen. When you finally are able to insert one finger all the way to the base, then try to place two well-lubricated fingers into the vagina, again pressing slowly downward and backward with a quite firm pressure.
If the husband is attempting to stretch the vaginal opening on the wedding night, he should make sure his fingernails are filed very smooth and short and then follow these instructions: Insert the tips of three fingers, held in a wedge shape and well lubricated with artificial lubricant, into the vaginal opening. Press down toward the back, very firmly but very slowly. It should take from fifteen to thirty minutes to fully stretch the hymen. Move your fingers only about one-eighth inch at a time, until finally you can insert all three fingers to the base.
This procedure will result in the stretching of the vaginal opening. Small tears may occur as well. If there happens to be a small area of bleeding, do not be afraid. Simply look for the exact spot that is bleeding, take a piece of tissue, put it on the spot, and hold it there with a firm pressure. You will be able to stop whatever bleeding occurs in this manner. If another tear and more bleeding occur when you have intercourse, you can stop it the same way by holding tissue on the exact spot with a firm pressure. The tissue may be left in place about twelve hours and then soaked loose in warm water to avoid new bleeding. Intercourse can begin again the next day.
After such stretching, the major portion of the remaining hymen lies in a crescent shape across the back of the vaginal opening. Its position is such that it moves farther up over the vaginal opening when the legs are brought upward, and is less in the way when the woman’s legs are down flat.
This fact should be kept in mind during your first intercourse. If the husband has difficulty accomplishing initial entrance, a special position may be helpful. The bride lies on her back with two pillows under the hips, with her legs down as flat as possible to move the hymen more out of the way. The husband faces her and approaches from directly above, so that the penis is in an almost vertical position at first contact. With generous amounts of artificial lubricant around the vaginal opening and on the head of the penis, he places the tip of the penis near the front of the vaginal opening and slides it almost straight down, attempting to slip past the elastic hymen. If the penis slips into the vagina, then the wife can slowly and intermittently bring her knees up as far as her discomfort will permit. At this point, the husband should no longer force the penis in, but allow her to thrust her pelvis upward and forward against the partially inserted penis, which should still be in an almost vertically straight-down position.
As a last resort only, if there is a great deal of pain, Nupercainal Ointment may be applied around the vaginal opening, especially toward the back, and left for a period of five minutes. This is a local anesthetic ointment, available without a prescription. If your physician has warned of a vaginal opening that seems to be unusually tight, you may wish to have the ointment on hand.
Following the procedures I have described, however, should ensure a pleasant first-time experience for the newlyweds in almost every case.
The husband should keep in mind that most pain occurs from entering too quickly, not allowing enough time for the muscles around the vagina to relax. At the time of first intercourse, the husband should not persist in striving to bring his wife to orgasm with his penis in the vagina. If she has some soreness, there is no reason to make this worse. After the penis is inserted, the husband should have his orgasm quickly, withdraw the penis, and stimulate his wife’s clitoral area gently with his fingers to bring her to orgasm.
The husband’s tender care of his wife at this crucial time will do much to help her develop trust in him, so that in the weeks to come, she will be able to totally relax and let herself go in the enjoyment of his lovemaking.
The objective of your first few weeks of sexual encounters should be the development of loving intimacy, as the wife experiences maximum comfort and the husband demonstrates maximum self-control. The honeymoon can be a disappointing time for couples who have gone into it unprepared or misinformed. But by applying the right information, you can have a wonderful time together on your wedding night, establishing the right patterns from the beginning.
I must encourage the husband not to be goal oriented in his lovemaking, especially on the wedding night. Men are sometimes prone to judge themselves as lovers on the basis of whether they can bring their brides to sexual climax during intercourse, but do not make this the supreme goal. Your striving to reach that goal would put strong pressure on your bride to respond and perform properly, when she really cannot force her body to climax. Orgasm only happens in a relaxed atmosphere, after emotional and physical arousal have occurred and enough skilled physical stimulation has taken place. The feeling of pressure that comes from the husband’s expectation and her fear of failure can completely hinder the physical response she otherwise would have.
The husband’s purpose on the wedding night should be to develop emotional intimacy through physical closeness. You need to concentrate simply on pleasing your wife with tenderness—romantic words, warmth and cuddling, total body caressing—done in a meaningful way that shows your appreciation of her as a desirable woman. She must be aroused emotionally, and this seldom happens quickly. So take plenty of time and savor every moment of it.
Don’t be alarmed if you ejaculate before you want to on your wedding night. This may happen because of your intense feelings. But this is by no means the end of the lovemaking experience. No matter when the lover ejaculates, he continues to bring his wife to orgasm, if she desires it, and finds added pleasure in her response.
On your honeymoon, another erection will probably come in a few minutes, even if you ejaculate early, but do not wait for that. Continue providing the caresses and manual stimulation that give your wife sexual satisfaction. Actually, at this time, the manual stimulation will be more pleasing to her and much more effective than the sensations of intercourse, because the vaginal muscles are extra tense at first, and there is always some discomfort for the bride.
By the way, the counsel I am giving will apply to you even if you have been married before, with previous sexual experiences. This should be a fresh start, and the husband needs to show tender care and concern for his bride, as though it were the first experience for both.
Posted in Understanding the Basics
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.