Relate Sexually as Lovers
Relate Sexually as Lovers
After sex most men want reassurance that they have been good lovers, and most women want reassurance that their husband has been pleased, enchanted, and satisfied. But research indicates that a great many people just turn over and go to sleep without saying much of anything!
If you want to build intimacy, you will need to begin to relate to each other sexually as lovers, not as disgruntled moms and dads who occasionally have sex because it’s a habit—or duty.
What are some of the characteristics of sex between marriage partners who are lovers? First of all, when they have sex, they are often reenacting the time when they first fell in love—the drama of their courtship—and this recalls the freshness of youth. These feelings can be recaptured each time they shut out the world to come together sexually. The husband can experience the thrill of conquest whenever he makes love to his wife; she can glory in his pursuit; and he can savor her melting response.
Because the husband is a lover, he shows capacity for tenderness and caring and the ability to express his feelings without embarrassment, along with masculine characteristics that please his wife, such as confidence and strength. The wife responds in turn. She is thrilled by his slow, sensual approach and by a romantic atmosphere and she lets him know it.
Lovers avoid dull routine in their sex play. They practice variety—variations in time or setting, variations in love play, variations in frequency, position, and mood. Sometimes their sex is fun; sometimes it is intensely passionate; sometimes it is leisurely and tender. Variety zVthe spice of lovemaking.
Lovers enjoy each other as man and woman. They spend time together—preforeplay time—taking walks or perhaps just talking in front of a fire in the fireplace, when they can be alone. They go away together for a night or a weekend or a few days to refresh themselves and renew their relationship.
Lovers learn to subtly or directly communicate their desires hours beforehand, to give both time to prepare emotionally, to look forward to the experience, and to fill their minds with exciting ideas of how to make the lovemaking experience more beautiful and prolonged.
After the climax, when both have been satisfied, lovers want to remain close to each other with lots of gentle stroking, murmuring, kisses, and embracing. They sometimes want to maintain the warm glow with conversation of a special nature. Nothing mundane is allowed! No talk of home repairs or money problems or Johnny’s bad report card. In the relaxed afterglow of lovemaking, while still in each other’s arms, they want to talk about each other, perhaps the history of their love affair. They may share conversation that is intimate or especially uplifting—perhaps expressing dreams and goals they would mention at no other time. It is a time for private laughter, and always for complimenting each other as lovers—thanking the other for the beautiful experience— and perhaps praying together before they fall asleep with gratitude for the way God has blessed them, even in their lovemaking.
For the Christian couple sexual intimacy always has spiritual dimensions as unity with the beloved is experienced and the two reach the highest possible degree of closeness physically, mentally, and spiritually. For this couple there is no sadness after intercourse, but two hearts singing as one with joy and praise!
It is our prayer that you will experience the pleasure of sexual intimacy in your own relationship.
Posted in The Power of Sexual Intimacy
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.