Real sexual intimacy.
Real sexual intimacy links marriage partners with strong strands of caring that are deeply emotional, mental—even spiritual—and also intensely physical; thus closeness does not occur only at times of intercourse. Because of the God-designed one-flesh relationship, real intimacy between husband and wife always has sexual dimensions, whether they are having sex or just talking; snuggling close in their sleep or dressing together for the day; working in the garden side by side or engaged in prayer. It is all lovemaking.
The practice of tenderness; loving gestures; frequent, affectionate, physical touching; shared thoughts; exchanged feelings; mutual supportiveness and trust; the valuing of each other’s bodies, almost as if the other were one’s own; shared laughter; a closeness so substantial and abiding that no one else can interfere with it—all this adds up to continuous sexual interaction in a deeply satisfying form. It is the mating pattern of true sexual intimacy.
This intimacy has its roots in the sense of belonging that two people nurture and develop over a period of time. In our book Love Life for Every Married Couple, we shared what one couple, married more than twenty-five years, had told us about the development of their relationship, as they cemented the sense of belonging into their marriage.
They said:
On the way to our June wedding, we thought we had everything going for us. Our friendship was warm, our romantic feelings even warmer, and as for the fires of passion, they were just waiting for the match! After we settled into married life, the companionship and sexual desire and romantic thrills were still there. But it was all a little less perfect than we had expected because we were such imperfect people. The pink glow of romance hadn’t prepared us for that! We weren’t Christians then so we didn’t know that agape love could glue us together. Fortunately, something else brought us through those first rocky years when wedded bliss almost got buried under the un-bliss. You might call what developed between us a sense of belonging. We had decided right from the start that it was us against the world—two people forming a majority of one. So whatever happened, or however much we clashed in private, we stuck by each other. We were like a brother and sister on the playground. We might scrap with each other, but let an outsider try to horn in and he had to take us both on! If one of us hurt, the other wiped away the tears. We made a habit of believing in each other while our careers got off the ground. We showed each other all the kindness that two impatient young people could be expected to show—and then some more. It really wasn’t long until we discovered something stupendous about our relationship. We found we belonged. We came first with each other, and always would. Because we belonged to each other, no one could spoil our love and togetherness from the outside. Only we could do that, and we weren’t about to! It was too good to lose. A lot of people seem to spend their whole life looking for a feeling of belonging. Maybe they don’t know that marriage is the best place to find it.
Posted in The Power of Sexual Intimacy
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.