Planning and Achieving Parenthood
Every baby born should be considered a gift from God. Of course I am totally opposed to abortion unless the life of the mother is threatened. And it is my personal conviction that when both partners are knowledgeable and maturing Christians, they should have as many children as they feel they can properly train for a productive Christian life.
Husband and wife can know a special joy as they share together in the total preparation of their children for lives of individual service to God. Each child is launched out into the purpose of God as an arrow from their quiver.
God clearly pronounces blessings on parenthood but, as many of you have discovered, parenthood involves giving and more giving, without thought of receiving in return. One finds that the rewards God promised come spontaneously but not on demand.
If parents want to manifest unselfish and godly love for their children, they will pour their lives into bringing them up according to the Lord’s instructions, which have been so clearly spelled out in the Bible. Dads and mothers who themselves are becoming emotionally mature in Jesus Christ will be free to love and give to their children, without exacting something in return. It is these people who can expect all the joy and satisfaction God promised.
When I speak of giving, I am not referring to materialistically pampering the child. A parent must give himself; he or she must be willing to invest all the patience and love and self-control he or she can imagine—and then some. Only those who give openly are open to receive, to receive the gentle trust of the little child; the warm, appreciative respect of the young adult; or the tender moments of the growing years in between.
The Bible describes the godly family in Psalm 128:1-4:
Blessed is every one that feareth the LORD; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the LORD.
During the engagement period a couple should discuss their views on having and rearing a family and should be in harmony concerning the various issues involved, before their wedding takes place. Their ideas may change later, but if they are growing together in their marriage, their views will take on a similar shape as God guides them.
This chapter is included to give information to those people who are considering the many aspects of family planning. It is estimated that in the United States today, some 15 percent of marriages are childless because of an infertility problem. Another 10 percent of married couples have fewer children than they want. Later in the chapter we will give you practical advice on methods a couple can use to increase their chances of achieving pregnancy. If there are no physical abnormalities, some simple procedures can more than double the chances of becoming pregnant.
However, since more than three-fourths of all couples do not have problems with infertility, most of the questions a doctor is asked concern methods that will control the number of pregnancies and the spacing of children. As I discuss various methods with you in answer to the questions frequently asked, please under-stand that I am not recommending these methods, but only giving you medical information. Family planning is a private matter for which you and your partner must take full responsibility. The decision is yours. You must determine if you want to use an artificial means of contraception, a natural method of avoiding preg-nancy, or no method at all.
In making your decision, keep this statistic in mind. During a year of unprotected intercourse 80 percent of couples of child-bearing age will conceive. Here are other factors to be considered:
1. It is desirable for a newly married couple to have some time for adjustment to each other, learning to communicate and to share their lives with each other before accepting the responsibilities of a young family. On the other hand, having children right away will certainly discourage self-centeredness for any young couple.
2. The health of the wife is a most important issue. Without some means of family planning, a woman may be capable of bearing twenty children. For instance, a forty-two-year-old wife was recently featured in the news because she had borne twenty-one children in twenty-five years—all single births. She had spent the equivalent of almost sixteen years in pregnancy! Such continuous childbearing could hardly be rec-ommended as best for the health of most women. Mrs. Wesley had 19 children and two of them, John and Charles, were great men used by God to turn England back to true Christian faith.
3. It should be recognized that fear of pregnancy often inhibits enjoyment of the sex relationship.
If a couple decide to postpone pregnancy, how do they find out which contraceptive method is right for them? There is no method that is perfect for every couple all the time. A method that is satisfactory for one may not be suitable for another. Also, a couple may wish to change methods as circumstances change or as their own personal convictions change.
The first consideration obviously is safety. The method chosen must be as harmless as possible. Present medical research is bringing to light some health risks in popular contraceptive methods, and you need to be aware of these. Some methods are not suitable for women who have a past history of certain medical con-ditions or current health problems. Other women may find that a particular method causes them some degree of physical discomfort. In these cases, your doctor should be the one to advise a method that he believes will be safe for you.
Because of the rapid advances in research and changes in government regulations, contraceptive information must be often updated, particularly in the area of statistics and side effects. I * encourage you to talk this over with your own physician.
The second consideration is effectiveness, which depends in large part on the user. Those couples who are careful to use a method properly and regularly will have far greater assurance of success than those who use it carelessly or irregularly. For example, when I give you statistics on surprise-pregnancy rates for specific meth-ods, the first figure given will represent the method -failure rate when followed precisely, and the second figure will indicate the range of the failure rate, reflecting the varied amount of care and caution taken by individual users.
The third consideration is the matter of motivation. Some methods require more time and thought. Indeed, the natural family planning methods demand painstaking record keeping, as well as time devoted to study and understanding of the factors involved. Also, about ten days of abstention from intercourse will be necessary for the absolute effectiveness of those methods. So determine your degree of motivation before you decide on a certain method.
The fourth consideration is the matter of your own personal taste. Any method that you find unpleasant, uncomfortable, or embarrassing—for whatever reason—will not be right for you.
As I discuss various means of contraception, remember that I am not endorsing any particular method, although I would like to discourage you from several that are either potentially harmful or ineffective.
I am going to describe the contraceptive methods used today, explaining how they work, giving current statistics on their effectiveness, and pointing out some of their advantages and disadvantages. We will consider the artificial methods (the pill, RU 486, the IUD, the diaphragm, vaginal spermicides, and the condom), then the surgical methods (vasectomy and tubal ligation), and conclude with natural family planning.
Other birth control methods that are currently in use are female condoms, jelly, sponges, vaginal contraceptive suppositories, cervical caps, Norplant, and sterilization (minilaparotomy and laparoscopy). A detailed explanation of these and other methods can be found in 1250 Health-Care Questions Women Ask, 2d edition, by Dr. Joe S. Mcllhaney Jr., as well as information pertaining to in-vitro fertilization (IVF), embryo transfer, and other procedures.
The probability of pregnancy from any one act of intercourse without a contraceptive will be from 3 percent to 20 percent, depending on the time during the menstrual cycle that intercourse occurs.
Posted in Planning and Achieving Parenthood
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.