Phase II: Time of Increasing Excitement
Following the arousal phase, a gradual and not well-defined transition into the second phase occurs. This is often called the plateau stage. After the preliminary period of stroking the entire body, the husband may enjoy fondling his wife’s breasts, and she may enjoy his caresses and kisses on the nipple area. At first, the nipple becomes more firm and stands out from the breast; then as excitement increases, the nipple may appear to be somewhat hidden by the swelling of surrounding tissues. This surrounding engorgement helps guard the sensitive nipple from excessive stimulation.
A gentle caressing of the genitalia will greatly increase sexual excitement at this point. Be creative and imaginative rather than rough, blundering, or predictable in your approach. Always remember that stirring the imagination helps bring about the most response in both men and women. Anything is permissible as long as it is desired by both partners, affords mutual pleasure, and does not offend either partner. The Scriptures tell us that the joyous sexual expression of love between husband and wife is God’s plan. Hebrews 13:4 proclaims the fact that the marriage union is honorable and the bed undefiled. The word translated bed in the Greek New Testament is actually coitus, the word meaning sexual intercourse.
Song of Solomon describes a position ideal for intensified love play. “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me,” the bride says. (The Hebrew word translated embrace usually means to embrace lovingly, to fondle or stimulate with gentle stroking.) In this position, the wife lies on her back with her legs extended, comfortably separated, and her husband lies down on her right side, placing his left arm under her neck. In this way he can kiss her lips, neck, and breasts, and at the same time his right hand is free to fondle her genitals.
As excitement continues to rise, the clitoris swells and the labia minora (inner lips) at the entrance to the vagina become two or three times enlarged. The swelling and engorgement of the lower vagina reduces the diameter of the outer one-third of the vagina as much as 50 percent, which prepares the vagina to actually grip the penis. When the inner lips change color from bright red to deep wine or from pink to bright red, this indicates that orgasm will occur within sixty to ninety seconds, if effective stimulation continues. Other responses may be tensing of muscles, increased pulse rate, and a general flush of the skin, especially over the upper abdomen and the chest. There may be almost spastic contraction of some sets of muscles in the face, chest, abdomen, and buttocks. Voluntary tightening of the sphincter muscle, which holds the anus closed, and some voluntary contractions of the muscles of the buttocks may help heighten sexual tension.
While the man learns to control the timing of his response, the wife should learn to let herself go, trust her husband, trust her own body, and be as free as possible. As she concentrates on her physical feelings, she should learn to communicate her level of sexual excitement to her husband with looks, touches, and sometimes loving words. This helps the husband to properly time his lovemak-ing. One of the most common sources of sexual unhappiness is the failure of a woman to tell her husband frankly and clearly what stimulates her and when she is ready for a particular stimulation.
While the husband’s caresses of the wife’s genitalia are essential to bring on the wife’s orgasm, the wife’s caresses of the husband’s genitals do not usually speed up the male orgasm. While excitement has been building in both partners, when the wife actually touches the husband’s genitals, it is soothing and comforting to him.
The wife’s very light gentle caressing should center around the inner thighs, the scrotum, and the under surface of the penile shaft. Stimulation here will help maintain the husband’s erection. Touching of the scrotum should be very light, since the scrotum is quite pressure sensitive. Fondling the head of the penis and the frenulum on the underside of the penile shaft will greatly increase the husband’s excitement but may also trigger ejaculation more quickly than desired. By fondling and lovingly touching her husband’s genitals, the wife soothes him and quiets his responses, while her own excitement builds.
The clitoris, rather than the vagina, is the center of feminine response, and its stimulation will produce orgasm in almost all women. Increase of arousal will come from manual play at and alongside the clitoris more often than from placing fingers in the vagina. As excitement progresses in the wife, the shaft of the clitoris will enlarge and become firmer. The firm clitoris usually can be felt at the peak of the surrounding lips above the vagina. Before sexual excitement, it is very difficult even to find the shaft of the clitoris, and it is important to note that in 50 percent of women there is no discernible enlargement of the clitoris during sexual arousal.
If the husband has given his wife enough stimulation to build excitement, some natural lubrication may be brought to the outside from within the vagina. A well-lubricated clitoris will be much more sexually responsive to the husband’s touch. If the wife does not produce enough natural lubricant, some artificial lubricant may be used to lubricate the clitoris and vaginal opening. (Be careful to warm the artificial lubricant by holding the tube, bottle, or applicator in warm, running water before you go to bed.) Applying the lubrication can in itself be exciting to the wife, as it shows her husband’s tender care for her. Trying to stimulate a dry clitoris or inserting a penis into a dry, tense vagina indicates lack of understanding or selfishness and should be avoided. Cli-toral sensitivity in some women increases to the point where direct stimulation may become unpleasant (too much!) or even irritating. Therefore, movement of the husband’s fingers should be directed to the area immediately around the clitoris. A consistent and persistent movement of the husband’s fingers alongside the shaft of the clitoris is usually most effective in heightening her excitement.
When the labia minora on each side of the vaginal opening engorge or swell, the husband receives an important clue as to how far along his wife is in her arousal. These inner lips may so engorge that they protrude beyond the outer lips. The husband can only judge when this occurs by learning how to detect it with the tips of his fingers, as he stimulates his wife. This swelling of the inner lips is the most easily observable physical sign, telling the husband that his wife is ready for insertion of the penis. Although this is one sign of readiness, the husband should never insert his penis until the wife signals him to do so. The penis is always inserted in the most gentle way, never followed immediately with vigorous thrusting, as this usually decreases arousal in the woman. Most couples have found that it is very useful for the wife to insert the penis. She knows exactly where it should go. This will avoid interruption at this very important time. Even after entrance of the penis, she may still need light caressing of the clitoris to increase excitement to orgasm. It is estimated that 30 percent of women always require manual stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm.
Positioning of the couple’s bodies should suit their own individuality. There need be no set patterns, although early in marriage, the bride, not having had her tissues stretched from child-bearing, may find that some angles of penile insertion will cause discomfort. After several children have been born, the tissues around the vagina will be stretched, and the wife will then be more comfortable in varied positions. Remember, changing of positions may restore interest and encourage excitement, but these new positions must be comfortable and pleasing for both husband and wife. It is worth noting that the right rhythm of movement is just as important as the right position in attaining a satisfactory response for both partners.
The male-above position is by far the most commonly used and gives the husband freedom of movement plus greatest control of strength and rapidity of thrusting. Many couples consider this the most satisfying of all positions. The wife lies on her back with legs extended, comfortably separated. The husband lies on top of her, supporting some of his weight on arms or elbows, his legs inside hers. After insertion of the penis, her legs may be moved farther apart, closer together, inside his, or wrapped around his legs or up over his body.
To assume the female-above position the husband lies on his back, while the wife straddles his body and leans forward. She inserts the penis at about a 4 5-degree angle and moves back on the shaft, rather than sitting down on it. She then assumes whatever posture is most stimulating and comfortable to her. This position allows the wife by her movements to control the exact timing and degree of thrusting that affords her the most sexual response. The placement of each partner’s legs will govern deeper or less deep penetration of the penis, depending on what is preferred. The female-above position gives the husband access to her breasts. He also has free use of his hands to better stimulate the clitoris, if necessary, while they are joined in sexual intercourse. This position is often advantageous for a large husband and a small wife, and is sometimes more comfortable as the abdomen enlarges during pregnancy.
The lateral, or side-by-side position is assumed by starting intercourse in the female-above position. The wife leans forward and shifts her body slightly to the right, placing her right leg between her husband’s legs. Her left leg is then flexed over his right leg. Advantages of the lateral position are that each partner has at least one hand free for fondling and caressing. Each is free to thrust or rotate hips. Neither has to support weight with hands and legs and neither is being “pinned” by the body weight of the other.
The male-behind position is seldom used but may be tried on occasion and may also be used during late pregnancy. Both husband and wife lie on their sides facing the same direction with the husband in back of the wife. The penis is placed into the vagina from the rear. Disadvantages are that the penis does not contact the clitoris and the couple cannot kiss during intercourse. This position leaves the husband’s hands free to caress the body and breasts and stimulate the clitoris.
We have described the basic positions here. Others are given in chapter 12 in the discussion of sex during pregnancy. By all means feel free to explore the pleasure of other positions that you imagine would be exciting for you and, of course, acceptable to your mate.
It should be understood that the size of the penis has nothing to do with how much either partner enjoys intercourse, as only the outer two inches of the vagina contain tissue which is stimulated by pressure on the inside. Many men think deep penetration of the penis gives their wife greater stimulation, when it is actually better contact with the clitoris that will increase her stimulation to the point of orgasm.
Posted in One Flesh
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.