Phase I: Arousal
This time of sexual stimulation, often called foreplay, can be delightful for both husband and wife, if the husband realizes that his tender skill at this point will prepare his wife for the love act itself. Most women like to be wooed and won. Let the man indicate by the way he approaches his wife that he is demonstrating his love for her, not claiming sex as his right. The husband must be careful not to appear hurried, crude, rude, mechanical, or impatient!
Sexual intercourse can be a joyful affirmation of the life two people share, or it can be a revelation of defects in their relationship. It will either draw a couple together or push them apart. Because your sexual relationship will tend to reflect your emotional relationship, it is important to realize that every meaningful, fully enjoyable sex act really begins with a loving, attentive attitude hours or even days before. Husband, you should be aware that your wife views the sex act as part of her total relationship with you, even though you, like other men, may think of it separately. When both partners assume the responsibility for giving of their total selves— physically, emotionally, and spiritually—sexual interaction becomes a dynamic way of fully expressing love for each other. It is your daily behavior toward each other that will measure the extent and depth of the pleasure you find in making love sexually.
Before beginning sex play, a bath or shower will show one’s mate how important the event of physical unity is. When married, bathing at night before getting into bed makes good sense. When, during the day, will you be in as intimate contact with anyone as you are during the night when sleeping with your spouse? Bathing and shaving at night will show love, respect, and an anticipation of closeness.
Relaxed love play begins with kissing, embracing, petting, and fondling. The most effective touching for both man and wife in the early part of sex play is a gentle caressing of all the body. All includes everything and excludes nothing. Do not touch only those areas that seem directly related to excitement. Your partner may enjoy caresses on the inner thighs, the lower back and buttocks, the earlobes, or the back of the neck. Caressing varied areas shows an interest in the whole person. As Solomon said, “Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee” (Song of Sol. 4:7). And his wife, the Shulamite maid, said of Solomon, “He is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend” .
Caressing each other should never be hurried. Only lust and self-gratification are done in haste. Take the time to fully enjoy each other! It is important to understand the timing of lovemak-ing. There should be a gradual building and intensifying of emotions and sensations. Do not stop or let up the stimulation once begun, but continue in an ever-increasing arousal. During this phase, a long hug or any period of stillness will serve to slow or reverse sexual tensions, especially for the wife. The movement of thigh against thigh, her breasts against his chest, and stroking each other’s back and shoulders are much more exciting than a clinging hug. Each part of the body moving against the spouse’s body will greatly heighten sexual tensions.
The union of marriage frees the couple to enjoy their bodies in whatever ways are most pleasing, provided that both are being pleased. Without restrictions (other than selfish acts that hurt the partner or evoke distaste), the couple should feel free to experiment and to “know” each other in the most intimate sense possible. Love involves close bodily contact and the pleasure of seeing, touching, and enjoying with all the senses. Let this be your guide in love play.
The very first sign of sexual arousal in the husband is erection of the penis. This occurs within a few seconds after being triggered by caressing, a stimulating sight, or an erotic train of thought. If the stimulation continues, he progresses into the second phase after only one or two minutes. But this second phase needs to be prolonged for ten to twenty minutes or more, if he is to receive maximum pleasure from orgasm. Erections will wax and wane during a leisurely lovemaking experience, so that the wife may need to occasionally fondle the underside of the shaft and the glans of the penis to keep the erection full.
Lubrication of the vagina within seconds may occur in the wife. This is only a beginning sign of arousal for her and does not signify readiness for intercourse. During this first phase, the inner two-thirds of the vagina begins to expand, and if the penis is introduced at this time, the woman may receive little sensation and the man may have less feeling of containment. It is not until the second phase that the lower vagina is prepared to grip the penis.
Posted in One Flesh
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.