George C, a physically strong, hardworking man of fifty-three, had desired intercourse five or six times a week during his married life—until recently. His wife complained that he no longer showed an interest in her. She recalled that he had lost his erection a few weeks back, and they had terminated their lovemaking that night. They had never discussed it, but he had seemed indifferent since then. She also observed that he had taken on more responsibility in his job the past few months and showed an unaccustomed tiredness.
Greg H. and his wife slept in twin beds and were careful never to touch each other or demonstrate any affection. Over a period of time he had developed an inability to have intercourse. His wife felt sorry for him and “tried to make it as easy on him as possible by not bothering him about it.”
Ralph B. desired his wife, but in the middle of their lovemaking his desire “short-circuited,” as he described it. Read the rest of this entry »
I want to speak very directly with you who up to this time have been unable to enter into the sexual pleasure God designed for every wife. In the past, you would have been called frigid—a word that seems to denote an icy personality, unfeeling and self-contained. And you know yourself to be a warm and loving woman. It’s just that you haven’t been able to experience the thrills and excitement you’ve read about. You love your husband and you want all there is from marriage. Perhaps both of you are feeling discouraged because it hurts too much to go on failing, so why keep trying? Why not be content with just loving each other and settling for what must surely be second best? I assure you that you do not have to miss out on the pleasure of sex with your husband.
Nor do you have to think of yourself as frigid. Today we reserve the term frigid for a woman who finds the sex act distasteful, even offensive. The more accurate term for the woman who has never reached a sexual climax is preorgasmic, which implies fulfillment ahead; it’s delayed, but only for a time. Read the rest of this entry »
The following instructions are directed to wives who want to experience the benefits of these exercises. I will explain them to you as if you were a patient in my office.
You might have difficulty locating the P.C. muscles at first. Without instruction, it is more likely that only the weaker, external muscles around the vaginal opening will be contracted. This will tighten only the vaginal opening. Being told that the P.C. muscle group is more internal often causes the woman to contract muscles of the lower back, abdomen, and thighs. These muscles are not linked to the P.C. muscles, and contracting these may cause fatigue. The P.C. muscle exercise should be fairly effortless, though it may take some patience and concentration at first. After the exercise is learned, it’s almost as easy as shutting your eyelid.
Since one of the functions of the P.C. muscles is to stop the flow of urine, it can be said that the P.C. muscles have been contracted if urination is interrupted. However, the less important external muscles can also shut off the urine flow; so the simplest method to determine if the muscles contract is to attempt to stop urine flow with the knees spread. In the sitting position on the commode, with knees widely separated (about two feet apart), allow the flow of urine, and then attempt to stop the flow without moving the knees. In nearly all women, this procedure exercises the P.C. muscles. Once you feel what it is like to correctly contract the PC, you can do the exercise any time. The stoppage of urine flow during urination can then be used once in a while as a check to make sure you are contracting the right muscles. Read the rest of this entry »
Just as the husband has shown an effort of sacrifice and love in gaining complete ejaculatory control, so the wife can also contribute to the relationship by attaining full control and strength in the pubococcygeus muscles, which surround the lower third of her vagina, in order to experience a much more intense sexual stimulation.
Before we discuss this important muscle group, I should point out that most of what researchers have called “orgasmic dysfunction” in women is not caused by a physical dysfunction. Most failure in achieving orgasm is related to the wife’s attitude and thoughts. The next chapter will discuss this in detail. However, by undertaking these specific exercises to build up certain important muscles, the wife can usually begin to participate in and enjoy sex. These physical exercises, along with the restructuring of attitudes about sex, have had great success in treating “orgasmic dysfunction” in women. Read the rest of this entry »
Establishing Lasting Ejaculatory Control
Practice sessions should continue on a regular basis to maintain ejaculatory control.
1. Use the squeeze technique at least once a week for the next six months.
2. Once each month practice the squeeze technique for an entire twenty-minute session.
3. Good ejaculatory control is usually attained in three to six weeks.
4. Within six to twelve months the husband should be able to be consistently quite active in intercourse for ten to twenty minutes without ejaculation.
5. Complete control is attained when the husband does not have his orgasm until he chooses.
Prolonged emphasis on controlling orgasm in these practice sessions may sometimes cause a husband to have a temporary lack of ability to keep an erection. Do not be dismayed. It is just this portion of the husband’s body demanding a brief rest. Read the rest of this entry »
Phase V. - July 29th, 2009
The objective of this phase: To learn how to have comfortable sexual intercourse in the side-to-side (lateral) position. This position gives better control of movements by both husband and wife and allows the husband the best ejaculatory control.
1. Spend some time in loving foreplay.
2. Again assume the position of the wife straddling the husband and leaning forward to insert his penis.
3. Place a pillow under the husband’s head and another one along his left side.
4. The wife brings her right leg to a straight position between his legs. She leaves her left leg on the outer side of his body.
5. At the same time, the husband moves his left leg out from his body, placing it flat on the bed, with knee bent.
6. The wife is to shift her entire body slightly to the right, while leaning forward with her left breast at the level of his left breast. She will now be partially supported by the pillow at her husband’s left side. Additional comfort is achieved by another pillow for her head and shoulders.
7. It will take several practice sessions to learn to change easily into this side-to-side position and arrange the arms and legs in the most comfortable manner. (Once learned, this position is used by many couples most of the time.)
8. While in the side-to-side position, the thrusting should be gentle, so that the penis can remain in the vagina for twenty minutes before ejaculation.
Remember, it is important to wait at least one day before beginning a new phase. The objective of this phase: To be able to keep the erect penis in the vagina with very gentle movements for about twenty minutes before ejaculation.
1. Spend some time in loving foreplay.
2. Again assume the position of the wife straddling the husband and leaning forward to insert his penis.
3. The husband is to begin thrusting slightly, thus learning to tolerate gradually increasing amounts of movement of the penis in the vagina.
4. This gentle thrusting should be continued for fifteen to twenty minutes before ejaculation. Use the squeeze technique if necessary.
5. When this phase is mastered, the husband may now ejaculate with the penis in the vagina, but he is to continue concentrating on his own sensations, until each practice session is over and he has ejaculated. Then he is to take time to manually bring his wife to orgasm. (Remember, this is still a training session.)
The objective of this phase: For the erect penis to remain almost motionless in the vagina for fifteen to twenty minutes before ejaculation.
1. The husband lies on his back, and the wife stimulates him to an erection.
2. When he feels he is nearing the point of ejaculation, he signals his wife, and she quickly uses the squeeze technique.
3. She should repeat the stimulation almost to ejaculation and then squeeze the penis. This should be done several times.
4. Then the wife straddles the husband in a sitting position. Leaning forward at about a 45-degree angle, she very gently and slowly inserts the erect penis into the well-lubricated vagina, then moves backward comfortably onto the shaft, not just sitting down on it.
5. She remains motionless, giving her husband a chance to achieve control. If the husband loses his erection while the penis is in the vagina, the wife should raise her body and manually restimulate him to erection.
6. If the husband becomes aware that he is nearing the point of ejaculation, he should indicate this to his wife, so that she can raise her body and repeat the squeeze procedure. Then she gently reinserts the penis.
7. Husband and wife should be able to maintain this position with the erect penis almost motionless in the vagina for fifteen to twenty minutes before ejaculation.
The objective of this phase: For the husband to learn to recognize the physical sensation that comes just before ejaculation, so that he is able to communicate to his wife the best time to apply the squeeze.
During this session it is vitally important that the husband concentrate completely on his own sensations. He is to block out all other thoughts, so that he will become keenly aware of the feeling that comes just prior to ejaculation. It may help if he closes his eyes. As soon as the husband feels he is nearing the point of ejaculation, he is to indicate this to his wife by some predetermined word or signal. She is then to quickly use the squeeze technique. This phase should be repeated during the daily practice sessions, until the husband can consistently recognize the sensation that occurs just before ejaculation (see figure). Read the rest of this entry »
Phase I. - July 24th, 2009
You may both be so “gun-shy” from the husband’s quick sexual release that you have been avoiding touching as much as possible. You need to take the focus off orgasm and timing and concentrate on improving nonverbal, physical communication without seeking to reach orgasm. The objective of this phase: To improve physical communication and learn to appreciate physical closeness with your mate.
1. Spend time touching and fondling each other.
2. Do the things that physically please your mate, such as a scalp massage or stroking the back or neck, and so forth.
3. Avoid directly stimulating genital areas.
4. Do not have intercourse, but focus on improving physical communication with your mate.
5. Learn to appreciate and enjoy physical closeness.
6. Follow this procedure for at least the first two sessions.
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.