Learn to Enjoy Sensuousness
Sensuousness is defined by therapists as the need to be held, fondled, caressed, and touched. It should not be confused with sensuality, which is a preoccupation with the physical, as opposed to the intellectual and spiritual. We are speaking simply of the importance of touch, as a means of meeting a human being’s deep needs, and as an essential way of developing intimacy in the marriage.
In Love Life we have given twenty-five suggestions for nonsexual touching, which any husband and wife would do well to put into practice. Some individuals are hungry for more touching and they will gladly have sex, just to be held and caressed. Others do not understand what their true need is and they may try to use sex as a substitute for sensitive, affectionate, physical fondling and closeness. Then there are those who believe they “are just not affectionate.” These must learn to enjoy sensuousness through the loving, patient persistence of the partner and the practice of nonsexual physical touching.
Sensuousness is also important in the enjoyment of sex. Almost every square inch of the human body has the ability to become erotic, and partners should use their hands and fingers to touch, stroke, massage, and caress all parts of the mate’s body. Exploring every part of the body with loving hands (including tracing the beloved’s face in the dark with sensitive fingers) will increase the sense of intimacy.
As sensuousness is learned, the husband may discover that sex can be much more leisurely than he imagined and that being sexually passive occasionally can be very enjoyable, as his wife caresses him in ways she has discovered will please him. Sensuousness requires the capacity to enjoy tenderness, and the man who has thought of feelings of tenderness as somehow feminine will have much to learn in experiencing this aspect of intimacy.
Posted in Hindrances to Intimacy
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.