Attitudes and Action
After evaluation time is over, action should begin. You may feel, as some women have expressed to me, that even though you know your attitudes are not right, you just can change them. The woman who says she can’t, can’t. She is already committed to failure.
On the other hand, the woman who has the enabling power of God within her can change. How does it happen? By turning your attitude over to the Lord and then beginning to be and say and do what you know is right. Realize that as you please your husband, you are both obeying and pleasing the Lord. Let it be a love offering to both. The Lord will not make you do anything; He will not change you without your cooperation. You are not a robot or a puppet on a string. But if you know the attitude you should have, then you have to say, “Okay, with God’s strength operating in me, I am going to be different.” And then begin to do it. How does a woman quit biting her nails? Not by saying J can’t, but by quitting. The principle is the same in changing your attitudes toward love, sex, marriage, and your husband.
There are a number of things you might consider to make sex more enjoyable for both of you. First, let me suggest the “tool” of anticipation—particularly if you have had some faulty attitudes concerning the sex experience. A period of romantic anticipation for sex, building up all day and ending happily in bed, can very much enhance the love relationship. Your husband has the opportunity to stir your interest and increase his own anticipation. For instance, if he gives you a very meaningful kiss when he leaves for work and then phones you sometime during the day, just because he’s thinking of you and missing you, the stage is being set for a responsive welcome to his lovemaking after the children have been put to bed. If your husband does not yet know that response is greatly influenced by preliminary courtship, perhaps that is one of the things you will need to communicate to him. Along with mental anticipation, make some definite plans to take care of meals, children, and responsibilities so that you will have uninterrupted time to spend with your husband at the end of the day.
The best way to change your attitude about sex is to start thinking and acting positively, for better feelings always follow correct action. If your problem is that it takes you so long to get aroused, then start anticipating early in the day. Begin concentrating on the thought that sex with your husband is pleasant. Later when lovemaking occurs, keep thinking: This is pleasing to my body. This is pleasing to me. This is what God created for me. I want to please my husband; this is going to be a happy experience. I am going to feel sensations that are pleasant and wonderful. . . . This will greatly help you unless your husband just does not provide any wonderful sensations. In that case, offer him this book to read, so that he can learn how to pleasure his wife!
Posted in Attitudes and Communication
To Ed Wheat Sr. and Gladys Gibson Wheat, whose commitment, devotion, warmth, generosity, and integrity stood for fifty years as a beautiful picture of genuine agape love.