Christian Marriage - Sex Technique and sexual fulfillment

After evaluating attitudes, you need to consider your communication. Sex without communication has little to commend it. Your communication may be of the nonverbal kind during the lovemaking process itself. Perhaps you have learned to do what the sex therapists suggest—to put your hand lovingly over your husband’s and show him where you want stimulation. And if he is too rough or too gentle, to show him again with your hand over his. There are ways of telling him when you are ready for intercourse without saying a word. But even before you make love, you may need to communicate your needs to your husband, frankly and clearly. He may have needs to tell you about too. If you want to reach orgasm and are not doing so, ask him to give the manual stimulation that will bring you to orgasm. It is amazing how silent we women are on something as important as the sex act in marriage. We wish in silence or we suffer in silence or we hope that this time he will be different, that this time he will think of doing that which we long for him to do. Why not just tell him? Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: sex therapists, sex without communication

Posted under Attitudes and Communication

Relate Sexually as Lovers
After sex most men want reassurance that they have been good lovers, and most women want reassurance that their husband has been pleased, enchanted, and satisfied. But research indicates that a great many people just turn over and go to sleep without saying much of anything!
If you want to build intimacy, you will need to begin to relate to each other sexually as lovers, not as disgruntled moms and dads who occasionally have sex because it’s a habit—or duty.

What are some of the characteristics of sex between marriage partners who are lovers? First of all, when they have sex, they are often reenacting the time when they first fell in love—the drama of their courtship—and this recalls the freshness of youth. These feelings can be recaptured each time they shut out the world to come together sexually. The husband can experience the thrill of conquest whenever he makes love to his wife; she can glory in his pursuit; and he can savor her melting response. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted under The Power of Sexual Intimacy

You cannot build intimacy when you are trying to protect or defend yourselves. You cannot build intimacy when you are afraid of exposing your needs and frailties. You cannot build intimacy unless you feel safer with your partner both emotionally and physically than with anyone else in the world.
Intimacy grows only in a place of safety. Because human behavior is organized around the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain, you must treat your partner in such a way that he or she will always identify you with pleasure, not with emotional pain.
When husband and wife are afraid of hurt, rebuff, criticism, or misunderstanding from each other, they will find it difficult to touch affectionately or share freely. God’s Word shows how to establish the trust that builds intimacy in two concise statements: Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: build intimacy

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Prescription for Intimacy
We could give you endless lists of suggestions for building sexual intimacy in your marriage but we are going to prescribe only three things. These are broad guidelines that reflect what therapists call the three functioning aspects of human intimacy: love, sensuousness, and sexuality. The first guideline has to do with love, for that is the only way to build trust.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Television watching may seem less significant than other factors we have mentioned. However, television promotes passivity; people wrapped up in watching T.V. have neither the motivation nor the energy to develop an intimate relationship. It can become so hypnotic that one does not realize how much time is being given to T.V. viewing.
It can turn into a source of real friction. One partner stays up to watch the late-night programs and then expects the other to still be alert and ready for lovemaking when he or she comes to bed. Sometimes television viewing is used deliberately as a means of avoiding sex.
So weigh your priorities and decide which you would rather have: a life spent passively staring into a television screen or an intimate relationship with your marriage partner. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: T.V.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Sensuousness is defined by therapists as the need to be held, fondled, caressed, and touched. It should not be confused with sensuality, which is a preoccupation with the physical, as opposed to the intellectual and spiritual. We are speaking simply of the importance of touch, as a means of meeting a human being’s deep needs, and as an essential way of developing intimacy in the marriage.
In Love Life we have given twenty-five suggestions for nonsexual touching, which any husband and wife would do well to put into practice. Some individuals are hungry for more touching and they will gladly have sex, just to be held and caressed. Others do not understand what their true need is and they may try to use sex as a substitute for sensitive, affectionate, physical fondling and closeness. Then there are those who believe they “are just not affectionate.” These must learn to enjoy sensuousness through the loving, patient persistence of the partner and the practice of nonsexual physical touching. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: enjoyment of sex, nonsexual touching

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

To enjoy intimacy with your mate is to “be in touch.” This means physical touch, as well as the ways you touch emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
I have observed that married people need physical touching of an affectionate nonsexual nature to retain the feeling of being in love. Emotional/sexual intimacy cannot grow unless you touch often, gently, sensitively, freely, without fear of rebuff or misunderstanding. Intimacy requires cuddling, snuggling, sitting close to each other, holding hands, and kissing as a part of your daily life.
Too often after marriage, couples use touch only as a sexual signal, but this should not be. Sex cannot be expected to meet all your needs for physical contact and affection. To build intimacy you must “keep in touch” every day.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Intimacy grows as we show our sensitivity to our partner’s needs. An insensitivity to needs and desires, particularly in the sexual relationship, can be quite detrimental to the development of intimacy. One traditional example often cited is the husband who demands sex right after an unresolved argument, with the children playing in the next room, and a neighbor at the front door! Or the wife who interrupts her husband’s impassioned lovemaking to go take meat out of the freezer or check on a sleeping child! Therapists call behavior that hinders a satisfying sexual experience “sexual sabotage.” If you want to develop intimacy, you will pour yourself into understanding your partner’s needs and meeting them in sensitive, loving ways.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy