Christian Marriage - Sex Technique and sexual fulfillment

After evaluation time is over, action should begin. You may feel, as some women have expressed to me, that even though you know your attitudes are not right, you just can change them. The woman who says she can’t, can’t. She is already committed to failure.
On the other hand, the woman who has the enabling power of God within her can change. How does it happen? By turning your attitude over to the Lord and then beginning to be and say and do what you know is right. Realize that as you please your husband, you are both obeying and pleasing the Lord. Let it be a love offering to both. The Lord will not make you do anything; He will not change you without your cooperation. You are not a robot or a puppet on a string. But if you know the attitude you should have, then you have to say, “Okay, with God’s strength operating in me, I am going to be different.” And then begin to do it. How does a woman quit biting her nails? Not by saying J can’t, but by quitting. The principle is the same in changing your attitudes toward love, sex, marriage, and your husband. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted under Attitudes and Communication

This will not be one of those very serious lectures on how to become the perfect wife! I don’t want to imply that I have somehow attained that state or that it is possible for you to get there by following ten easy steps and putting forth a little effort.
The chapter title with perfect in quotation marks should suggest that we will be using perfect in a somewhat different manner than that which the dictionary decrees with its list of lofty definitions:
“Without blemish or defect.” (Who, me?) “Completely skilled.” (Hardly!) “Thoroughly effective.” (Maybe occasionally.) “Having all the qualities necessary …” (Well, no.)
But then that last definition gives pause for thought: Having all the qualities necessary … to assure your husband that you’re the perfect wife for him. There it is! Exactly what this chapter is about.
We know we aren’t perfect wives. And our husbands know it too. But it is possible to keep them so happy that they think of us as perfect, because in the details that matter most to them, we have learned to please them! Now I am not talking about devious dealings or cute manipulations designed to befuddle our husbands into adoring us. They are not that easily fooled. And, more important, there is a better way to please them—a way that God can honor, because it is rooted in the New Testament principle of servant-hood: “Ourselves your servants for Jesus’ sake”. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: husbands, sex relationship, sexual technique in marriage, the sex experience

Posted under The "Perfect" Wife

Relate Sexually as Lovers
After sex most men want reassurance that they have been good lovers, and most women want reassurance that their husband has been pleased, enchanted, and satisfied. But research indicates that a great many people just turn over and go to sleep without saying much of anything!
If you want to build intimacy, you will need to begin to relate to each other sexually as lovers, not as disgruntled moms and dads who occasionally have sex because it’s a habit—or duty.

What are some of the characteristics of sex between marriage partners who are lovers? First of all, when they have sex, they are often reenacting the time when they first fell in love—the drama of their courtship—and this recalls the freshness of youth. These feelings can be recaptured each time they shut out the world to come together sexually. The husband can experience the thrill of conquest whenever he makes love to his wife; she can glory in his pursuit; and he can savor her melting response. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted under The Power of Sexual Intimacy

You cannot build intimacy when you are trying to protect or defend yourselves. You cannot build intimacy when you are afraid of exposing your needs and frailties. You cannot build intimacy unless you feel safer with your partner both emotionally and physically than with anyone else in the world.
Intimacy grows only in a place of safety. Because human behavior is organized around the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain, you must treat your partner in such a way that he or she will always identify you with pleasure, not with emotional pain.
When husband and wife are afraid of hurt, rebuff, criticism, or misunderstanding from each other, they will find it difficult to touch affectionately or share freely. God’s Word shows how to establish the trust that builds intimacy in two concise statements: Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: build intimacy

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Prescription for Intimacy
We could give you endless lists of suggestions for building sexual intimacy in your marriage but we are going to prescribe only three things. These are broad guidelines that reflect what therapists call the three functioning aspects of human intimacy: love, sensuousness, and sexuality. The first guideline has to do with love, for that is the only way to build trust.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Television watching may seem less significant than other factors we have mentioned. However, television promotes passivity; people wrapped up in watching T.V. have neither the motivation nor the energy to develop an intimate relationship. It can become so hypnotic that one does not realize how much time is being given to T.V. viewing.
It can turn into a source of real friction. One partner stays up to watch the late-night programs and then expects the other to still be alert and ready for lovemaking when he or she comes to bed. Sometimes television viewing is used deliberately as a means of avoiding sex.
So weigh your priorities and decide which you would rather have: a life spent passively staring into a television screen or an intimate relationship with your marriage partner. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: T.V.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

Sensuousness is defined by therapists as the need to be held, fondled, caressed, and touched. It should not be confused with sensuality, which is a preoccupation with the physical, as opposed to the intellectual and spiritual. We are speaking simply of the importance of touch, as a means of meeting a human being’s deep needs, and as an essential way of developing intimacy in the marriage.
In Love Life we have given twenty-five suggestions for nonsexual touching, which any husband and wife would do well to put into practice. Some individuals are hungry for more touching and they will gladly have sex, just to be held and caressed. Others do not understand what their true need is and they may try to use sex as a substitute for sensitive, affectionate, physical fondling and closeness. Then there are those who believe they “are just not affectionate.” These must learn to enjoy sensuousness through the loving, patient persistence of the partner and the practice of nonsexual physical touching. Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: enjoyment of sex, nonsexual touching

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy

To enjoy intimacy with your mate is to “be in touch.” This means physical touch, as well as the ways you touch emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
I have observed that married people need physical touching of an affectionate nonsexual nature to retain the feeling of being in love. Emotional/sexual intimacy cannot grow unless you touch often, gently, sensitively, freely, without fear of rebuff or misunderstanding. Intimacy requires cuddling, snuggling, sitting close to each other, holding hands, and kissing as a part of your daily life.
Too often after marriage, couples use touch only as a sexual signal, but this should not be. Sex cannot be expected to meet all your needs for physical contact and affection. To build intimacy you must “keep in touch” every day.

Posted under Hindrances to Intimacy